The Man Who Saw Frankenstein Cry (2010) – A documentary about Spanish horror star and filmmaker Jacinto Molina, aka Paul Naschy. Yes, that means it’s very much aimed at a long-tail audience, at least among English speakers. Naschy’s updated portrayal of the Universal-style movie monsters through the 1960s and 1970s (most especially as a werewolf who was always named “Valdemar Daninsky” no matter who the character actually was in the story) was as important to the European horror revival as England’s Hammer Films. It’s always worthwhile to watch a documentary about someone known for a very narrow activity (in this case, playing werewolves) and see them as a rounded person with a family life and outside interests.
Bonus: The filmmakers realized they hadn’t included any segment explaining the title, and so added a title card during the closing credits.
Zoltan, Hound of Dracula, aka Dracula’s Dog (1977) – Take a horror movie concept obviously spawned by a producer in between martinis (“Hey, I just had a great idea for a movie!”), add a screenplay crafted by someone whose vampire knowledge came from seeing a single between-commercials segment of some Dracula movie broadcast on TV, place it in the hands of notoriously forgettable day-labor director Albert Band (father of Charles “Full Moon” Band), and then for star power throw in Reggie Nalder, an actor who specializes in looking like he’s already quite dead… And Ta-dah! You’ve got an eminently overlookable non-thriller about the old Dracula families last manservant (Nalder) and vampire dog looking for the last human descendant of the Dracula bloodline so they can turn him into a vampire and thus have someone to serve again. Although “Michael Drake” (Michael Pataki) obviously isn’t actually the last of the bloodline — his two children would be.
The only notable peculiarity of this movie — not necessarily good or bad, just weird — is how easily every character accepts the idea of vampires when it’s introduced to them. Not just the Romanian inspector (Jose Ferrer) and the police investigators back in the “old country,” but also Michael Drake’s whole family, plus a couple of random hunter/campers. We ain’t got time to deal with persuasion in this here feature! But at least yo udon’t have to hear anyone say that thrice-damned line, “There’s got to be a rational explanation…”
And a little glimmer of irony. In this movie from Albert Band, Californian shooting locations stand in for Romania (for about ten minutes). A generation later, his son Charles would make dozens of movies in Romania standing in for American locations.
The Hills Run Red, aka River of Dollars (1966) – A spaghetti western starring Thomas Hunter (who?), Henry Silva as the head henchman, and a shopworn Dan Duryea as the sidekick. Hunter is Brewster, one of two Confederate soldiers right after the war trying to make off with some Confederate gold; when caught by Union troops, he sacrifices himself so that his partner Seagull (Nando Gazzolo) can escape with the money, with the promise that Seagull will take care of Brewster’s wife and newborn son while Brewster takes the rap in prison. Five years later, Brewster is released to find that his wife is dead, and Seaegull is a wealthy landowner who’s taken Brewster’s as his own. Revenge time!
Despite that setup, the movie works hard to neuter any real drama. The most obvious instance is with Brewster’s son — there’s no “divided loyalties” setup or anything; Brewster just meets the kid and makes friends with him. Other plot threads such as Seagull’s sister who’s interested in Brewster, despite being in Henry Silva’s slimy sights… It just kind of evaporates.
Thomas Hunter never became a big star, but he sure puts his all into this one, making sure he chews every bit of scenery to make up for so many other cast members being dubbed in post-production.
Abandoned movies:
Dead Man Walking (1988) – Wings Hauser always seems to win the non-lottery for the gap between “talent of the leading man” and “quality of the movie.”
Tomb of Torture (1963) – I didn’t get past the “two vapid tourist girls wander around and into a castle” opening.
Wild Card (2015) – Jason Statham stars. Unfortunately, his character is an annoying boor that I don’t want to spend 92 minutes with.