Movies Seen Recently: Ghosts Don’t Exist, Sleepy Eyes of Death: The Chinese Jade, Heirloom

Ghosts Don’t Exist (2010) – A TV ghost-hunter, mourning the loss of his wife and teammate, decides to retire… after doing one more “finale” show, his three-person team plus a gadfly skeptic.

Mercifully, this isn’t an excuse for another “found footage” movie of handheld video cameras. But the director’s dedication to plausible deniability (are there ghosts? aren’t there?) becomes annoying, as the “rational explanations” become increasingly implausible.  The ending ends up being predictably unsatisfying because of that.

Acting ranges from “no complaints” to “get that man a cue card.”  The script is okay, with a few “explaining for the audience” moments (for instance, a skeptic who’s made his name debunking paranormal investigators’ claims should probably know what an EVP is).

Nemuri Kyoshiro 1 Sappocho (aka Sleepy Eyes of Death: The Chinese Jade) (1963) – The first of the adventures of a young wandering samurai who is, of course, The Best Of The Best. The plot here is equal parts spaghetti western and soap opera, with Kyoshiro being caught between two criminal factions while women throw themselves (or get thrown) at him.  And there is naturally another martial artist who is The Best Of The Best, because challenging yourself against your peers is the only thing that makes a Best Of The Best martial artist’s life worthwhile.

The Heirloom (2005) – This Chinese haunted-house movie (okay, it’s pretty obviously an abandoned institutional building, not a house, but roll with it) is heavy on atmosphere and short on plot, and what little of that mostly comes in two huge expository scenes. But the central conceit — that not long ago, Chinese occultists were in the habit of buying dead babies on the black market, “feeding” the baby in a jar with the blood of family members to bind the baby’s ghost to the family, and then using the ghost to secure their fortunes — is hella disturbing.

Abandoned movies:

Creature From the Haunted Sea (1961) – If this movie weren’t the legendary Roger Corman’s first foray into filmmaking, it would be completely forgotten. There are some feints at wit in the screenplay, but the direction is plodding and the cast isn’t up to the task.

Something Beneath (2007) – Kevin Sorbo is a hunky priest. I really never got further than that.

Hard Bounty (1995) – I don’t know what I was expecting from a western produced and directed by Jim Wynorski.  But what I got, and didn’t want, was a parade of Boob Jobs of the Old West.  (But at least I caught the pre-credits cameo by Fred Olen Ray!)

The Fishmen and Their Queen (1995) – If I wanted to see that much footage from After the Fall of New York, I’d just watch After the Fall of New York.