I think seven micro-reviews at a time is about right, don’t you?
Frazetta: Playing With Fire (2003) – Fun behind-the-scenes biographical documentary. Best when it’s interviews of Frazetta himself, his family or those who worked with him during his incredible career; not as good when it includes footage of other luminaries (John Buscema, Neal Adams) with no referenced personal connection. (The copyright date and IMDb info say 2003, but there’s an end title card referencing Frazetta’s death in 2010.) (Also, stop CG-animating the artwork!)
Flawless (2007) – Demi Moore is an overlooked (because female) executive in a London diamond brokerage in the 1960’s. Michael Caine is a janitor there approaching retirement. Together, they plan a diamond heist, but it turns out their motives aren’t the same.
Moore is fine, but Caine shines, as one expects in everything except Jaws: The Revenge.
Swamp Thing (1982) – It’s a hard one even for hardcore Wes Craven fans to defend: His adaptation of the cult DC Comics character is slow, bland and unimpressive, the suit looks exactly like what it is — a wetsuit with foam latex stuck to it — and is barely more impressive than the Toxic Avenger, and the Everglades seem like they must occupy a quarter-mile square, with how Swampy manages to be everywhere even when stumping slowly along (maybe he learned off-screen teleportation from Jason Voorhees?).
The Return of the Swamp Thing (1989) – Let’s be honest. Despite being helmed by legendary schlockmeister Jim Wynorski instead of a respected (and sometimes actually good) director Wes Craven, the sequel looks a hell of a lot better than the original. The cinematography is colorful and well-lit instead of being muddy; the Swamp Thing costume looks a lot better (influenced by the comics that had been published since the 1982 movie, but still). Yes, it’s silly, but it’s knowingly silly, as opposed to silly-but-wants-to-be-serious. Sorry, but the sequel wins hands down.
The Cabin in the Woods (2011) – A fun meta take on the beloved spam-in-a-cabin horror movie premise. I’m not sure if it completely makes sense in the end… but it sure makes more sense than all of those movies it explains.
It’s a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World (1963) – Now THAT’S an all-star cast! Spencer Tracy! Milton Berle! Sid Caesar! Buddy Hackett! Ethel Merman! Mickey Rooney! Dick Shawn! Phil Silvers! Jonathan Winters! Plus small roles and cameos from Jimmy Durante, Terry-Thomas, Jim Backus, Peter Falk, Sterling Holloway, Buster Keaton, Don Knotts, Carl Reiner, Jerry Lewis, the Three Stooges…
You know you’re in the presence of comedic greatness when one scene is carried simply by the exquisite timing of Phil Silvers’ silent shrug.
The Equalizer (2014) – Denzel Washington plays a sideways version of the main character the ’80s TV series. This version of Robert McCall “retired” from the Agency by faking his own death and now lives quietly in Boston as a helpful big box store employee… but when the Russian mob gets violent with a prostitute he knows peripherally from the all-night diner he frequents, well, it’s time to reluctantly unpack those top-shelf skills. Washington is less “classy” than British actor Edward Woodward, but a lot more believably dangerous. (But I still wanted the old TV theme to show up in the soundtrack, dammit.)
Screw the Equalizer (Original) theme, I’d be happy if I could get the damned series back on streaming. Or on streaming at all–don’t think it’s ever been there previously. I’d like to see it one HELL of a lot more than Denzel or Latifah. Edward Woodard rocked that role, and I have no trouble buying his lethality. I mean, they can bring MATLOCK back, but not the Equalizer? Rockford? Magnum PI? One of those, but NOT The Equalizer? Sheesh.
OTOH, I can live with some Wes Craven Schlock Factor around Swamp Thing. Yes, yes, I admit it. I know, I just lost all my old movie cred, but…a gurl needs what a gurl needs. Grab a little bit of The Creature from the Black Lagoon, and I can make an afternoon of it.
Yeah, I finally broke down and bought the season 1 DVD set of THE EQUALIZER.